Should You Get a Sleep Divorce?

More and more couples are getting divorced these days—sleep divorced, that is, and they couldn’t be happier about it. You might cringe at the sound of the word ‘divorce’ and jump to the defense of your happy relationship. Instead, take a minute to learn more about what this trend really is. It could be the best thing you and your partner ever do. "Sleep divorce" simply means couples sleeping in separate beds, whether it be in the same room or different rooms. For some, it’s easy to get distracted by the stigma that surrounds couples sleeping in separate beds. Maybe you’re afraid that sleeping apart is a sign of an unhappy relationship. Maybe it seems like a harkening back to a more puritan time, as depicted in television shows of yore. Remember how Lucy and Ricky slept in separate beds in I Love Lucy? They didn’t seem so unhappy, now, did they? In fact, many couples find that they are happier, individually and together, after making the shift to sleeping apart. Just ask 1 in 4 American couples who, according to a study from the National Sleep Foundation, already sleep apart. That number is on the rise, too, and this article will help you understand why. You might even find that a sleep divorce is something you and your partner want to consider.

Why Sleep is Important

A good night’s sleep is the cornerstone of good health. Your mental and physical health, mood, and clarity of mind are all affected by the quality of your shut-eye. So, it’s in your best interest to make sure you get the recommended hours of undisturbed sleep each night. One factor that can prohibit individuals from getting such sleep is, unfortunately, sleeping with another person. It’s natural to want to share a bed with someone else. It’s a sign of affection, a symbolic marker of intimacy. A shared bed is also where bonding happens and where relationships are built. Cuddling, pillow talk, sex – all take place in bed and all fundamental to a relationship. That in mind, it would seem counterintuitive to consider sleeping apart. Actually, couples sleeping in separate beds have claimed that, if anything, it’s helped their relationships. To understand why, you must consider the full picture of a couple’s life, and where sleep fits into it.

Being Bedfellows isn’t Always Easy

There’s no denying the importance or the comfort of sharing a bed with your significant other. Still, practically speaking, sharing a bed isn’t necessarily the most relaxing. We all have different sleeping habits which aren’t always compatible with our partner’s. Kicking, snoring, talking in one’s sleep, for example, all make getting quality sleep more complicated. Then there are those whose body heat turn the bed into an oven. Or, of course, cover hogs who leave their partners shivering in the middle of the night. When sharing a bed with culprits like these, good nights of sleep are few and far between.

Other Reasons Couples Might Want to Sleep in Separate Beds

Putting aside our unconscious sleep tendencies, there are still more reasons for sleeping in different beds. For certain devout individuals, couples sleeping in separate beds is a religious norm. For others, especially with weak immune systems, sleeping apart is a measure taken to prevent the spread of sickness. Sleeping in separate beds can also be a service to your partner. This might be the case for those whose sleep schedules and rituals are not in sync. Say one partner likes to go to bed early, or one likes to watch television in bed before falling asleep. There’s also the matter of different sleep styles. Did you know your optimal mattress is contingent upon your particular sleep style? Back sleepers, side sleepers, and stomach sleepers all have different mattress needs. Putting up with a partner’s contrasting habits might seem like a loving concession, but at what cost? In many ways, the space to sleep how and when they prefer is a generous gift to a loved one.

Why You Should Consider a Sleep Divorce

The benefits of couples sleeping in separate beds are numerous and undeniable and favor both the individual and the couple.

1. It’s good for you

Sleeping in separate beds allows both partners to get the quality sleep their bodies require. Without another body vying for space in bed or disrupting your body’s ideal sleep conditions, you are able to sleep more deeply and uninterrupted than you would with a partner. We’ve already covered how integral good sleep is to your health, so it’s no wonder you’ll begin to see your state of improving after getting sleep divorced. Couples sleeping in separate beds are also less likely to contract diseases like heart disease, kidney disease, diabetes, and stroke. Getting better sleep also helps you maintain a healthy weight and can stave off obesity.

2. It’s good for your relationship

Good sleep improves your mental health, which is why couples sleeping in separate beds often find themselves in happier relationships. Having a clear mind, a good mood and lower levels of anxiety encourage clear and productive communication between partners. This lowers the risk of argument. One common fear is that sleeping in different beds spells the end of your sexual relationship. In actuality, many couples who have hopped on the sleep divorce train find that, in fact, their sex life improves. This is due to the fact that they feel less pressured to have sex at bedtime, which can seem routine. When the mood does strike, couples sleeping in separate beds find they enjoy being with each other more. Another benefit of getting good sleep is balanced hormones, which help maintain attraction to your partner. It also helps you maintain your skin and your figure, which, in turn, help your partner stay attracted to you!

Does Sleep Divorce Mean Separate Rooms too?

Sleep divorce just means having separate sleeping arrangements. Whether that means separate beds in the same room or separate bedrooms altogether depends on your reasons for sleeping apart. For example, if loud snoring or different bedtimes are the main reasons for sleeping apart, separate bedrooms might be practical. However, if space and body heat are the main issues, you might consider two beds, one bedroom. Weigh the pros and cons of separate bedrooms with your partner. Communication is key in finding the arrangement that’s best for both of you.

Remember, Sleep Divorce isn’t the Only Solution

Just because couples sleeping in separate beds are becoming more common, doesn’t mean it’s the best and only answer. Sure, the benefits of sleeping in different beds are countless, but sleeping with your partner has its benefits too. As stated before, sharing a bed with a loved one is an important part of an intimate relationship. So, before you jump right to sleep divorce, consider these other options first.

1. Try a Split Bed

A split queen or king bed is one bed comprised of two separate mattresses. This way, you still get the proximity of your partner while having boundaries in bed. You could also consider just getting a larger bed.

2. Get a New Mattress

Some mattresses are made to accommodate multiple kinds of sleepers at once. One such mattress is the Ecosa mattress, which is engineered with multiple layers of memory and support foam, which adjust to fit your sleeping needs.

<<Check out our Ultimate Mattress Buying Guide>>

3. Talk to a Doctor

Before deciding to sleep apart, talk to your doctor about any specific concerns you may have. They may offer solutions to treat issues like snoring or waking up throughout the night.

4. Keep the Room Sleep-Friendly

There are plenty of environmental factors that contribute to good sleep. Darkness, a cool temperature, and clean sheets are all necessary for quality sleep. Changing your sheets regularly and eliminating any source of unnecessary light might help improve any sleep problems you have.

5. Do a Sleep Divorce Test Run

If you think that sleeping in separate beds is the best choice for your relationship, why not test it out? Mattress companies like Lull and DreamCloud offer trial periods of 100 to 365 days, with free shipping and returns. If after some time, you decide that a sleep divorce isn’t for you, you can send back the mattress hassle-free.

Time For Bed!

Sleep divorce isn’t the right answer for everyone. Just know that there’s nothing wrong with couples sleeping in separate beds. Improving your quality of sleep is tantamount to improving your quality of life, and if that calls for separate beds, then do what you’ve got to do.